I must lament.

My stupid ex guy friend Jeff refuses to talk to me, after our near-brush at a relationship. We got up to the level of hugging! How lame. Of course our couple-ness was never officialized, despite the fact that he talked of it all the time, like with the contact in my phone, "Jeff: Your Future Boyfriend". Like, come on.

I don't know.

I know that I need a new guy in my life. Well, not need. But eventually I will require a man that will restore my faith in mankind, since currently that faith is being tested to its very limits.

Also I miss make-out sessions.

Sighness to the fact that only one blog after Jamie's I describe my deep and abiding love for Graham.

JESUS CHRIST.

I've just been feeling a lot of pent-up emotion I can't place. Loneliness? Rage? Restlessness? Perhaps all the ones I just mentioned?

What a summer.

Don't get me wrong, it's been a good summer. I've been swimming a lot, reading a ton, catching up on TV (Pretty Little Liars, SURPRISINGLY good!). I've been keeping a journal, to organize my THOUGHTS THOUGHTS THOUGHTS that just blare in my head constantly and keep me up at night.

I miss Graham, but won't admit it.
I miss Jeff, but won't admit it.
If I didn't break up with Graham I would have eventually.
Right?
Right?
Yeah.
Did I mess up the Jeff thing?
No, he's an asshole.
Yes, I'm totally lame.
Run through various scenarios. A LOT of scenarios. Memories. Embarrassing memories that make me cringe.
Reassure myself that I'll find someone when I'm not desperate to find someone. When I live my life, love will come along and find its way.

But it's difficult sometimes. Which is why I medicate with "Sex and the City". Definitely helping.

I cry when I see projects fail.

LIKE THIS ONE!

Seriously, how long has it been since an update? TOO DARN LONG!

My sister's ten, and she's starting wearing a bra. Well, she never actually wears it, so I was passing her in the hallway today and yelled "Put on a bra!" 'cause it's how we show our love. We're sister's who are 3 years and 9 months apart, love is shown in weird ways with us. Anyways, she said "I am!" And I looked at her straight in the eye and said in the most serious tone "Well, show me it then." There was a moment of awkwardness.

Then I said, "Let's pretend I never said that. I sounded like a 50 year old pervert." And she agreed.

There's my story for the day.

I walked in my front door after walking from the bus stop, and my sister screamed "YOU GOT A LETTER ON THE LAP TOP!" I then proceded to punch her and go to the lap top where I did in fact find a letter in a pink envelope addressed to me. Jamie Amazing, 123 Apple View, The PC. ;)

I opened it up and found a birthday card. It was quite obvious what was in it because it is from my grandparents, and they always send me the same thing every holiday. So I open the card and out pops a $50 Visa gift card for Jamie Amazing. I found $40 under my old tv stand a few days ago, and then I found $15 on my sink. That means I have $115. That's probably the most money I've ever had at one time. I really like that.

Also, the babysitting job for my parents church group didn't work out. There were WAY too many kids there who would NOT LISTEN. Seriously. Ugh. I wanted to claw their eyes out.

Guess who actually studied for her WWW quiz?
Yeah, I did.
I NEVER study for those things, and I always get 70's. Which sucks, but I was used to it so I didn't really care. We have them every Thursday. 100 words off of lists. It's annoying and stupid, but according to our teacher we'll use them in college and high school, and they'll help with the SAT's. >.<
But I studied, so I feel confident. Yay? The highest I can make is a 91, but that's better than failing right? Yup.

I'm so far behind on YouTube. I haven't watched any videos from 2010, and I'm trying to catch it. The process is going slowly though.

-Jamie Loves Each And Every One Of You

:) I know I spend every blog talking about Graham. And I apologize for that.

I've broken rules to be with him.

My parents say that Graham can't go upstairs when they're here, and obviously he can't come over if they're not.

He has. We've made out in my bed. And done...other things. And on Wednesday, this is just a maybe, we might both skip school and spend the day together.

Oh, it's not like we're going to be doing anything in school anyway!!!!!!!

Wednesday is Senior Skip Day and Claudia, Graham's older sister, is a senior. Since she drives Graham to school every morning he figured what the hell why not just skip too? So he figured I could pretend to be sick (my parents usually let me have sick days, I haven't been sick from school all year and I'm 1st in my class right now so I figure they'll just allow me to stay home and chill) and come over after they left. I know guys. I'm careful, I mean, I'm not like Sarah...

The pregnant sophomore.

It's been confirmed. She was talking about it in World Studies, according to sources. The father is known, his name's Scott, but they're not together anymore. It's kind of a messy situation. They dated for like 2 months, if that much. Apparently he didn't use protection, well, obviously. Then a little while after that he left her for Cindy, a girl in my grade who's got a reputation for fancying the older men of our school, she's dated seniors and such before. According to her Facebook they are completely in love and she wants to marry him despite it being only 2 weeks. Plus, Sarah is planning to keep Scott's baby, so we seem to have an Amy situation on our hands.

Personally, I wouldn't keep it if I were in her situation. She's not the smartest of people, but she's not an idiot, at least I don't think so. I know her sort of, she was on Middle School Math Team when I was in 7th and she was in 8th. Here, everyone knows everyone anyway. She hangs out with Tawny, the school slut (who is overweight, but puts out to make up for it), and those types.

Yeah. It's pretty intense. There have been speculations that another sophomore, Emily, is pregnant by her senior boyfriend Dylan, who looks like a pirate, frankly, with his long black hair and goatee mustache thingie as well as his hippie clothes. Emily's one of the good ones, she's in my chorus and study hall. There's no real proof of this one, she just has put on a lot of weight, mostly getting wider shoulders and stuff, and wears those dresses that hide the bump. And she's denied it, so maybe she's getting rid of it if she has it, but if she was, I fear for Dylan's life because her dad is a police chief of a neighboring town, and also one of my mom's ex-boyfriend's, interestingly enough. Dylan's actually Emily's brother Ben's best friend, which many have always thought weird.

School drama! The sophomores are actually a pretty good class, believe it or not. It's just the few glaring people. Sophomores with seniors, though that'll be me if I stay with Graham then, doesn't seem to work out. Also using protection works, folks! Birth control is yucky, but condoms work fine! And that spermicide stuff!

Strange. I mean, I bet a lot of couples are Doing It, but clearly they have the sense to prevent babies!! Like Paul and Bekah, they've been going out for a year or so, and are in complete what seems like married bliss. They're both juniors though, so maybe that helps...

Graham and I are both supposed to be in the same grade though! He's supposed to be in 10th grade but he skipped kindergarten, and I'm supposed to be in 10th but my parents didn't think I was ready for kindergarten and made me go to preschool again.

So there.

Darn pregnant teens!

I'm cold, Nordic practice was so tough today. We had to do these huge laps around the course and it was all ice. Scary. I didn't fall at all, which was weird, but I kept like, being on one ski and almost falling.

- Jerrica

I fail at blogging.

Hello good people of the world!

Or just Jamie, Emma, and Mozalie. Same difference. Good book by Siobhan Vivian. Highly recommended.

We've probably all seen New Moon. I got slightly hot when Jacob took his shirt off and showed off his like, EIGHT pack. It's a little abnormal but HOT. Graham is trying to get a six pack. That would be wicked sexy, at least in my humble opinion.

OH MY GOD HOUSE IN FIFTEEN I GOTTA DO THIS QUICK.

We said it.

I love you.

Let me set up the scene for ya, dearies:

We were sitting on his couch in his cozy apartment, watching "Atonement". The movie had only just begun maybe twenty minutes ago, and we had finally been left alone. His sister had logged off the computer, his mom was done sending emails. Finally alone.

Of course, when you leave lusty teenagers alone, things tend to happen. Like Graham wrapping his arms around me and sealing our lips in a tender but feverish lip-lock, with gentle occasional tongue. I folded my legs on the couch and leaned into him, my hands in his golden orange hair. His arms pulled me closer, our world dark and loving, as it always is when we have the time to construct it.

"I love you," he told me when we had broken apart, staring at each other, seeing ourselves in our eyes (pants).

I kissed him again. My mouth still on his, I whispered, "Really?"

We broke apart. "Really, babe," Graham said, his hand lightly on my curly dark hair.

I paused. My heart was flying, my insides were absent. "I love you too," I promised.

It was amazing.

I love it when he calls me babe. It's lightly possessive, and I love how he says it.

So! I've had a good amount of days. Times have really been good. I'm crazy tired and sore from Nordic all the time, and it's Project Season at school, but as long as he's around I feel like none of that bothers me. I still care a lot about school, but bad grades don't bother me as much, in the off chance that I get them. My head feels more level, my feet feel more on the ground. This time last year I was suffering, I was lonely. I'm not saying that I need Graham, but he sure makes everything a hell of a lot better.

Emma- I'm not going to lie, I was horrified when I read that story about Larry. What. The. Hell. What a creeper. Seriously. ADD or not, that's just, gawsh.

Let's see, what to talk about.

New Moon was kinda boring, not gonna lie. I mean, the action parts were good, but for the most part it dragged. And I found myself eating Sweet & Sour Twizzlers (THEY ARE LIKE CRACK!!), sipping my LifeWater (that I snuck in, hehehe) unbelievably bored except for the scenes where Jacob had his shirt off. Because you HAVE to admit, he is ripped. I wouldn't leave Graham for him but I would pay a little to touch those muscles of his.

I submitted a short story that I wrote to a contest! I think it's pretty good, it's called "A Trusting Presence" and it's about a girl named Fiona who learns to open up again after being assaulted by someone she thought she loved with all her heart. It's not really as serious as it sounds. It's written in kind of the same, sarcastic, biting humor as Amber, but less so.

Speaking of, I've been looking through this book my mom got me looking at agents. It's not that serious yet, I need to buy some post-its or something to bookmark agents that will cater to me, there's a surprising amount in that book who refuse YA. I guess there's a lot of bad YA writers out there. The thing is, I've been so fricking busy lately with everything that I just get home, do my homework, practice piano, go on the computer for a little bit, watch the show of the night (GLEE IS BEING REPLACED BY LOST FOR FOUR MONTHS OH MY GOD SOMEONE IS GOING TO DIE), then maybe texting or phone calling with Graham or a desperate attempt to catch up with reading, then a coma-like six to seven hour sleep. Repeat. I'm actually very surprised that it's December tomorrow. November just barely started!!

I am wicked tired and sore all the time, but I'm in love and he loves me back, and I feel complete even if it's completely wiped out. :)

Right now, I am eating frosting-free Poptarts (Gelatin-free beyotches). I've been watching CommunityChannel for about two hours along with 5AG, WrockingGirl, Vlogbrothers, Frezned, PHVlogger (forgive me, this is probably not a legit username. I am tired.), and HayleyGHoover.

I am such a loser.

School has been going well. I made a fool out of myself in English because my teacher said, "I'm a bit of a fair-weather fan" and being who I am, I thought she meant Lauren Fairweather and I was very excited. Then very disappointed when I was given several "What the heck? Is this girl crazy?" looks. Hooray for awkward moments?

Nom nom nom...Poptarts.

CAUTION: The following paragraph contains graphic content involving my sick hydration habits.

Those of you who know me well are aware of what a lazy sloth I am. Instead of getting up to grab a glass of water, I am pretty much gagging myself in order to produce enough saliva to swallow this tasty treat of toaster goodness. I am so sick and twisted.

SPEAKING OF! I'd like to start a new feature-including-thing for my blogs on here. Called - My Psycho Neighbors: What Have They Done Now? Yush. I think I will. Starting now...

My Psycho Neighbors: What Have They Done Now?
Most of you know about my brief crush on the neighbor boy. Yes, the vampire one. Well that ship has sailed, because he needs to be committed into a crazy hut.
I was playing baseball with my little sister (because I am a good role model and you should worship me. *Shrines*) when I spot creepy-neighbor-kid (Shall we call him Larry? It fits his personality) out of the corner of my eye. I decide to ignore him. Then after letting him creepily spy on me for about 10 minutes I decided to say hi.

I walked over to him, dragging my sister with me. I said hi, he said hi. I introduced myself, he introduced himself. I was stunned by his beauty, he said "Is she drunk?" while staring at my sister who was hiding behind me trying to get me the heck away from him (She is so smart, why didn't I listen?).

(These are not exact quotes, because no one can remember dialogue that well, but they are pretty darn close.)

"Excuse me?" I said, slightly confused. She's four after all. Aren't all four-year-olds antisocial? Eh, maybe that's just normal for me.

"Is she drunk? Does she know what that means? Drunk? *PIG SNORT*" The crazy man replied

"Erm, no. She's four. We haven't exposed her to the world of alcohol yet." I stared at him stupidly, trying to comprehend the situation.

"Oh, she's weird. I have ADHD and so does my brother. No one else at my school does because they're stupid. Do you want to see my backyard? The other neighbors are being sued because their dog killed those *points* peoples dog. Our dog has to be chained up because she can jump the fence. Do you want to see her? The other neighbor *points* has a beer belly. You know what that is, right?"

My first thought was that this kid is an alcoholic waiting to happen. My second thought was, why not go to this weird, but really hot, guys backyard?

"Um, yeah, I know. And sure, I'd like to see your...yard." I paused. It was awkward and suggestive. I DIDN'T MEAN FOR THAT TO HAPPEN. Jeez.

So we went into his backyard. I felt weird just standing there so I walked over to his dog and started petting it. That's when things got...bizarre.

His dog jumped on me. I am a dog person, so whatever. I'm used to it, but Larry wasn't having it. He yelled "STOP!!!!1!!!1!1!" and then ran over to the dog. I just stared at him.

Then he hit her. Hard. I winced and my hand involuntarily came up to slap Larry in the face for being so cruel. I should have, but I am nice.

"I hit her a lot harder usually. It makes my hands hurt. That's why I went so easy on her, cuz my hands hurt from last time."

I was mentally preparing a speech in my head about animal cruelty and how he is going to rot in hades, blah, blha, blah, I was planning to work in lots of Shakespearean insults when he did the unimaginable.

He kissed the dog on the lips.

He kissed her and he lifted up her ear and blew into it.

Then he laughed like a weirdo and whispered "turd" into its' ear. Then blew into it again.

He laughed.

Whispered turd.

Blew into its' ear.

Kissed it.

Over and over and over and over again. I was the witness to both an assault and a molestation of a dog. Crazy shazz man. Crazy shazz.

I managed to get home without becoming even more traumatized, but that memory will last FOREVER.


Poptarts. Nom nom nom.

Today was To Write Love On Her Arms day. I would explain it, but you can look it up yourself if you don't know. I am lazy, remember?

NaNoWriMo is going great. I love my plot. It's fantastic.

I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world... (Why that just came in my head, I will never know)

I went Christmas shopping last weekend and got all of my "Santa" presents. Moccasins, Lock and Key ~ Sarah Dessen, New bedspread/curtains, pajamas, underwear, socks (Er, I ish lame), and some other stuff I already forgot about! Woo.

On that note -

Mozes- We need to talk, because I'm afraid that maybe your foot has been amputated and my father has to give me an answer my tomorrow about that thing. Yeah.

Jerrica- You and the Cracker are such a Disney couple. When I picture you two I see ball gowns and talking forest animals. Such perfect-ness.

Jamie- I feel even more pathetic about spending whole days on YouTube when I read about your inspirational church life. Like I should move, or do something. Psh. Like that's gonna happen.

Warning: There's going to be a lot of typos cause spell check's not working. :O Faillll

Ok, there's a lot of different videos on YouTube and blogs about this topic, but I want to write about it too. So stick that in your juice box.



Yeah, I have no idea where that came from.



I failed last year. No, Worse than failed. I quit about a week into it. I didn't even try. It sucked and that's not going to happen again.



But I need MOTIVATION!



My status on Facebook and Y!M are both me asking for motivation. Bets, bribes, tips, ideas, help. Anything.

MISSY: I HATE THIS!!!

EMMA: I HATE YOU! :p

JAMIE!: NEW TOPICZ!

Haha. So now you'll never know how I was going to finish this. ;)

So I've been going to church for a while and the church I was hosting this thing called The Drive-In. Basically, this weekend I stayed at a vollunteers house with about 5 other girls and our group leader. Saturday morning we went to an amazing morning service, and then we had some small group time were we reflected on the service. We had some free time for lunch and whatever we wanted after that, and we came back to the church at 6 to eat dinner. About an hour after we all got our dinner, we went back into the church for the night service. After that awesome service, we went back to the host home. The next morning we woke up and went to Sunday service. Middle schoolers and high schoolers were at the same services most of the weekend, but to make sure everyone had room middle school went to the 9:00 service Sunday morning, and high school went to the 11:00 morning service.

Friday, I got to the host home after getting lost cause there were a TON of neighborhoods with the same name. We fell asleep around 12:00 (We were the only group who went to bed so early) and woke up around 7:15 the next morning. We headed to the church and listened to the first Saturday service.

I was not ready for the amazingness. I never knew pre-teen/teenage children could be so into it. The music was amazing, and everyone was singing and dancing. And you could tell that they weren't just doing it to be like everyone else. They were doing it because they were inspired and moved by the whole thing. The theme for this weekend was The Kingdom. The speaker was so motivating and so great. He really got the message across to us. We talked about what the kingdom is and what it's about, taking yourself off the throne and putting God up there all the time, and always showing other people to the kingdom.

Of course, it was a funny service too. The middle school leader dressed up as the Burger King dude, and the high school leader dressed up as Braveheart. It was hilarious. :)

For our free time we went shopping for the Christmas program our church is doing and then we ate at Stevie B's. One of the girls made a root beer float and it kind of exploded. xP After that we pretty much just hung out. Went to a park. Played some volleyball.

For dinner I had to bring a fruit and walnut salad from McDonalds to church since they were having chicken. After dinner we went to the Saturday night service.

The service started out funny. They played a video of the High school and Middle school leader dancing and singing to Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus. (They were in their "King" costumes!) It was hilarious. :)

And to back that up, the speaker gave a great service. At the end there were three groups up front. One was a group of people who wanted to get saved and accept Jesus into their hearts. The next group was people who wanted to come up to the steps and pray to God to help them choose the one thing that they needed to sacrifice (Another thing we talked about). The third group included about 33 Middle schooler's, including me, and a heck of a lot of high schooler's who wanted to get baptized. It was such a great experiance. It brought many people to tears. Everyone was serious about it, and I loved it.

All in all it was an amazing inspirational experience. Sunday morning I got baptized by the High school leader, with my friend who got baptized by our middle school leader. A couple other people that I know got baptized, and that was very moving. It just felt like the right time, and it's very hard to explain. I loved the Drive-In and I plan on going again next year. I made new friends, which is great, and I changed for the better. I'm so glad my church plans things like this and I can't wait to see what's next. :)

I also bought Matt Papa's CD (He's the singer for the weekend.) and I can not stop listening to it. :)
-Jamie