So this week has started off fairly well.

There's a new kid at school, which it good for me seeing as I don't have anyone to talk to in my lunch period. He was kicked out of his previous school which is a little frightening, but he seems nice enough. So hooray for a possible new friend?!

I'm going to the dance at school tomorrow with a bunch of friends which is awesome. And I'm going to church on Wednesday with Tanner. It's Halloween night, so we all get to wear out costumes. I'm excited to go as Harry Potter. Last Wednesday was really cool. It was Tanner's first time going to Radiate (our church's sermon for middle school kids) and I could tell that he was really moved by it. A lot of my friends go to my church too and they're all inspiring.

I'm going to a lock-in at the local skating rink on Saturday. I'm excited because some of my best friends are going and we're probably going to end up crashing in the bathroom stalls together. :)
This means I'm gonna miss trick-or-treating, but somehow I think I'll manage to survive.

I only have one week 'till my last 6 Flags ticket expires, which sucks. I think I'm going to convince my mom to take me, but theme parks are no fun by yourself.

Reading over my blog, it sounds like I have a social life. Hahaha, no.

My Spanish teacher is seriously getting on my last nerve. She doesn't brush her teeth and she talks... a lot. The stench fills up the entire room. It's hideous. And she doesn't teach us anything. It's all just bookwork.

I was moved away from The Guy in science because we were talking too much and given a new partner. She's so stupid. Blah. She asked me how to spell "October" today. *Sigh*

But on the bright side, I got my phone back. It was taken up in GA Studies because I was taking pictures of a PowerPoint instead of writing the notes, but I havez it now. It still doesn't work though. I can't wait to get it turned on. <3

Blah, blah, blah. I need to do my homework/study. Math until test tomorrow. I'm going to fail. Okay, blog to you later.


-Emma

I'm wearing a cape.

It makes me feel bad ass.

I'm going to Trick or Treat Village at 2:30. We have to pick up my sister's best friend, then I'm gonna go to the booth that my church and help out for two hours. It's the Superhero booth which is why I'm wearing a cape. It's a Batman cape. I'm also gonna wear my batman shirt and jacket, and a batman mask.

I'm a bit obsessed with Batman at the moment.

Then tonight I'm going to a neighborhood Halloween party. I'm gonna be Batman, even though my costume is very lame. A cape and a mask. I believe that's a fail.

I've been listening to Wrock, Hank Green, and Lauren Fairweather a lot lately. My nerdiness kind of went away, and I'm working to get it back. I think it's working. I hope it's working. I miss being a nerd.

The drama kind of went away (THANK GOODNESS!) I've kind of taken myself out of it all. I've grown closer to my not so dramatic friends, and kind of been not so close to my dramatic friends. It's better for me a believe. And I've been nicer to everyone. That's a plus.

I found out that I have an aunt that I didn't even know about. My mom doesn't know her name, and nobody in my family has thought to even look her up. It's making me curious, and I want to find her. But on the other hand I don't...Idk. It's confusing.

Emma, I miss you. We need to talk soon or I'm going to go crazy. We can talk about ANYTHING. Just something.

I might be moving to North Carolina to go to a boarding school. In North Carolina. I'd have to get a scholarship, which is unlikely. I'd be applying for my tenth grade year though, because the applications for my ninth grade year would have to be sent in by November. I'd like a chance to work on my grades and get some volunteer work in before I apply. So I look good. It looks like a really good school with some good opportunities.

It's an all girl school though. I'm not sure if that will create more of less drama. Hopefully less, but you never know.

Idk. It's a big decision. Some of my friends are applying though. So that's good. At least there's a chance that I'll know some people.

I hope my Spanish teacher gets fired. She's evil.

She screamed at our class on Thursday because we were talking. Then we got a lecture where she basically said that she's gonna make it impossible to pass the class and she's gonna make sure we all take an F to high school. She's done this twice. Spending the entire class period lecturing us instead of teaching. She's banged her fist on multiple students desks. Can she get fired for that? If she can, I'm gonna report her. I can't afford a bad grade for my first high school grade. That's gonna negatively affect my future, and I can't let that happen. It's a scary thought.

Well, that's all I really have to say.
(I'm so bad at conclusions.)
(Also, my favorite song? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6RwIdea_1E&feature=related <3)

-JamieLovesSocks

"Do you love me?" I asked him, leaning forward on my bed even though there was nothing to lean forward to. The phone was pressed up against my ear, slightly sweaty, as phones are if you hold them too close to your face for too long. I could hear the shufflings of my family downstairs, some coming upstairs. They couldn't hear this conversation, but I was dying to know.

"Why do you think I asked you out in the first place?" he asked me, sounding a little exasperated.

"So you love me?" I ask again.

"Yes, I love you!"

"It's only been three weeks!"

"Do you love me?"

My mind wrapped around the idea. Telling him I loved him. What good would it do? It had only been three weeks. I couldn't let him have me like that. Even the many a fantasy about saying "I love you" and the things we would do afterward wouldn't allow me. I could feel the words building up in my throat, my lips forming around them, tasting them. I'd never said it before.

But I wouldn't say it, for the first time, over the phone. What was wrong with me? It would have to be in person. After what, I don't know. But I would feel the moment. I wanted to be swept away in the moment, in his arms, not sitting on my bed a little after nine o'clock at night, hoping my parents won't walk in.

"No, Graham, it's too soon."

"So why did you go out with me?"

Because I love you, you idiot!!

"Because I like you. A lot."

"You don't love me?"

"I care about you so much Graham, don't do this to me."

Then his phone died.

~

Real episode. Real thing. Actual factual. All that.

He told me the next day that he didn't realize how much the word actually meant to me. That it meant more than just going out with someone. That those three words were special to me and I didn't toss them around like I didn't care.

Yeah.

So, incident avoided.

It's been going well, besides that little incident.

I went over to his dad's house last night. His parents are divorced, so, yeah. We watched "Snapped", you know, that show on Oxygen? And "Desperate Housewives". And some of the football game. But not really, if you know what I'm saying. You see, if you change the channel on his upstairs TV it changes it downstairs, which is where we were. So we were forced to watch football.

I didn't really know who was playing.

There was also an incident where he lead me up to his room to get "board games". Little did I know (or perhaps a lot did I know) he was going to try to kiss me. But then I ran away from him.

Which was later followed by a steamy (yet still sloppy, still very sloppy) make out on a chair in his living room. He tried to stick his tongue in my mouth.

He always does.

Which is a little scary, but still hot.

I wrote The Poem.

It'll never be a song or anything, but still. It makes me happy. I wrote it after school today, and it sounds very good to me so that's excellent.

I didn't want to use the word "you", because like, I don't know, my songs always come out cheesy when I do that, so I kept it as "A boy and a girl" and that seemed to work well for me. I don't know. I think it's good. But I'll share it later maybe, when he's seen it. I don't know what to call it, but it's about how we fell in love in the fall but we'll make it through the winter and everything.

We were talking about what to name our kids.

I know it sounds kind of sketchy, but it's really kind of just half-joking around. We wanted to be in an eHarmony commercial so we were going to make eHarmony accounts and pretend to find each other on it. And then we wanted to go on those ancestry sites where you make your family tree on it and make our children and our grandchildren.

Make our children. Hardy har har.

We were talking about names, and he wanted to name our "son" Graham. I was like, "No!!" And he said, "Why? Did you want to name it Jerry?" No, I do not. I don't want to name our kids after ourselves. I think it would be cool to name one of our kids Autumn, since we started dating two days after fall began, September 23rd. And of course I love the name Sage.

I know it seems kind of weird to be thinking about that stuff, but we jokingly talk about it a lot.

Glee moment:

Graham: "You know what we should do?"
Jerrica: "Elope?"

:)

He set himself up for that one.

Glee is like, my new favorite show. It rocks. Rachel is awesome, and I want to kill Quinn and Shu's wife so, you know. Pregnant deception! I mean really. And Kurt, the gay kid! Ahhh I love him.

So life has been pretty good, la la la.

Okay I need to tell you something!!!

I made the mix CD cover for Graham. And since I have no artistic skills whatsoever, I decided to make him a collage.

Of semi-inappropriate phrases.

That I found in magazines.

It's pretty sick. I have one from an Astroglide ad, that says "Make love even better" and one that says "relieve knee pain", and all this other stuff! It's wicked awesome. I just need to make the CD itself and I already have the track listing, so that's good. I just need to, you know, burn it. BURN IT! Into a CD.

Anyway, I'm going to go, so I'll write later perhaps!!!!!!!!!!!






- TWJerricaS

Does the S stand for something else?



No.

Oh yeah and I decided not to do NaNoWriMo. Got too much on my plate already. I don't think I could write a novel right now. Oh well.

Goodgollygosh, I haven't blogged in forever.

A lot has happened since my last entry. And I mean A LOT!

So we moved into our new house. It's a little bit big for just my dad and me, but I like it. I've been sleeping better and I think that has a lot to do with the fact that my grandmother isn't around to vacuum at 1:00 AM (true story).

The whole drama with Hunter is resolved. We went to the councilor who, after we told our stories, ended up blaming the whole she-bang on Jamie and Jessi for taking part in telling Hunter there was a rumor going around about her. So we're friends now. Better friends then before, I think. There's pretty much an unspoken agreement between us that we are to never speak of the incident again. Which is perfectly fine with me.

I may be in like? <3
So there's this guy (Jeez, how many times do you think this line is used everyday by hormonal teenage girls?) and he's really sweet. He's my lab partner...and my Georgia Studies partner...and sometimes my math partner. Our names are right next to each other in the alphabet. Anyway, he has shaggy blond hair and green/yellow eyes. He's pretty smart too. He's our Fellowship of Christian Students leader too. We have a lot in common and he jokes around with me about being a klutz and a nerd.
We pass notes in class and he's so cute about it. He's afraid of being caught so he asks to go to the bathroom so he can reply. (<3)
He had some girl trouble (as in this girl accused him of stalking her. Pshh) and he came to me all frustrated and PO.
We've become friends over the past nine weeks. And I like him a lot. But there are a few problems.

1) He's practically related to my best friend (as in he's been her neighbor for 10 years and their families are pretty much one.)
2) He doesn't date. Period.
3) He doesn't like me the way I like him.
4) He does that weird "I'm going to repeat this statement 4 times just to make sure you hear it" thing.
5) He's a carnivore.

So, yeah.

School has become more bearable lately. I'm sort of friends with these two girls who I sit with at lunch (No more deranged Wal-mart bags and duct tape kid!). There's of course The Guy. And there's Sherilyn, Ashleigh, and I'm tying to become better friends with Becca and more of the FCS kids.

So, yeah, I still miss all of my besties (to PIECES! <3), but I'll still get to see some for them in high school.

Speaking of church, I didn't go this week. Instead, I stayed at home and built an AWESOME fort out of cardboard boxes, sheets, and chairs with Tanner and his friend Sydney. It was the "Hobo House of Awesome(ness)". Heh.

Also, I love this song.

We had a chorus concert today. It went well, I think. My brother and sister came, so I was clearly worried we would end up being That Family. You know, the one with the screaming kids that has to be removed from the building?
That didn't happen, but God. Ugh. Those kids are...terrible. My brother...there's no hope for him. He's 9. 5 foot tall. And 120 pounds. Hello!? Doesn't anyone else think this is a health hazard? He's in the fourth grade and he has HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE?! He has bigger boobs then me!
Not to mention the fact that he's an asshole.
And my dad thinks it's a phase.
He's already failing classes. And is destined to live at home until he is 40.
He wants to be a bag boy when he grows up. Jeez, aim high buddy.
Seriously, he makes me crazy. And he is...so child predator-ish. I mean he doesn't leave people alone. It's a constant violation of personal space. I...have issues with space. I like it. I need it. So needless to say, we don't get along.
I caught him in my underwear drawer before....

My sister on the other hand, there is hope left for her. I'm not going to let there be TWO duds in the family. No, no, no. I don't want to be the sister of the girl who is preggers at 15, a smoker, stupid, and lazy. Aw hell no. I demand to have at least one civilized sibling!

Speaking up, living with a single dad has many ups and downs.

UP'S:
He doesn't care when you go to bed, just as long as you wake up in the morning.
The Office marathons.
He leaves me alone.
I can eat dinner on the couch. (I have to, really. We don't have a table yet.)
Everything is pretty spontaneous. Nothing is planned ahead of time.
I finally get to experience the White Trash lifestyle. As in, "There's no milk for my cereal, so I'll just use orange juice." and "There's no curtains so I'll just tack up some towels."

Down's:
He can't cook. At all. We had cheese sandwiches, instant mashed potatoes, and peach ice cream for dinner. *Vomits*
"That time of the month". Erm, awkward.
Boys. In case you didn't know, my new neighbor is smokin', but my father totally...ugh.
"Do you have a daughter?"
"Not one that you'll ever meet." =\ Thanks dad. Now I'll never get to talk to Hot Guy.

Also, my English teacher is awesome. She complimented me on my "Where I Stand" essay and then used it as an example in class. <3

NaNoWriMo starts soon (AHH!). I need a plot. Agh.

I've started writing in a journal again. Fun, fun.

I have all A's currently. (Except in Choir. WTF? How do I have a freaking B in choir!?)

I have to write a poetry anthology by Monday. Ugh, I suck at writing poetry.

I think I'm getting a keyboard for Christmas! (Second Wife stole my old one)

I have a pillow now! (Second Wife stole my pillows too)

I'm making a HE-UGE Lauren Fairweather type collage in my room. <3



On that note, I bid you ado.

Hello young children.

I've been calling people young children a lot lately. Not sure what that's about.

TODAY I went hiking. Pretty shaztastic, if ya know what I'm sayin'.

Emma and Jamison- Seems like you guys are pretty dramatic down there in ye olde Georgiahhhh. Drama up in the New England hasn't really been much, however, according to Keenan, Class Pimp, there was a lot of drama at the Fair on Friday. Drama I was immune to as Graham and I made out on the ferris wheel and cuddled on every other ride, slow-danced in long lines, pretended to be a fighting abusive couple, talked about running away together and living on music.

It was a good night.

He's cute.

Tomorrow he's coming over and we're playing some board games.

We made up generic names for board games, because I told him I had the generic Scrabble- Upwords, it is called. So Battleship thus became Sink Your Opponent.

PLAYLIST TALK!

Ever since I gave Jazz my playlist password (well, I changed it from my typical life password so she could use it) she has been adding all of this CRAP to my playlist. Like Lil' Wayne, Stiff Dylans, all this hip hop nonsense. Anyway, my playlist is basically full now so if I want to add more songs i have to delete some of hers. And it was me being nice, because of her parents and all, but yeah. That's the extent of my drama. Graham and I are pretty undramatic, besides the fact that we decided to be an abusive couple. Which is just us, basically, pushing each other WHILE we hold hands. So you know. It's pretty intense.

Intense death metal.

He's writing some sort of song about me.

For some reason I'm having intense writer's block. Intense. I've written some stuff, but the day after I write it, it always seems to suck.

You know?

Ugh.

Why isn't he inspiring me? I have a poem from when Matt was making me angry, called "Body Without a Soul"...

Nasty rotten bitch boy
Blond, quirky, girl toy.
Who or what is he?
A liar or a shy boy?
Does he even like me?
I think he's just a shell of a man.
A body without a soul inside it.
Does he do what he does for a reason?
Or does he do it because he can?
I tried to reach out to him thinking that
I could help him or comfort him.
But he refused
So now I refuse
To talk to Matt,
Again.

I kind of like it. But that's just me, I guess. I wish I could hit my creative niche with Graham. I've written some stuff for him but it all sucks. I need, something.

He's so amazing. And I like him a lot. But I feel like, you know. I want to write him poems, and songs.

Writer's block makes me CRAZY!!

Maybe that's why I'm blogging. Just to get all the writery nonsense out.

I got my book a few days ago, and I've been looking at it. Literary agents, at least. I have a lot more reading to do. I'm not giving up my dream of publishing Amber because of Graham. I mean, obviously there's less of a drive because I'm preoccupied, but I still want it to get published. Though I want to edit the kissing parts. Because I wrote it before I, well, actually kissed someone. Hah.

At least I've gotten my first kiss. Finally, right? I'm 15. So, it's about time, right? I mean, a lot of my friends haven't gotten kissed yet, but I'm kind of older than some of my friends so. Older. Old.

So far, 15 is shaping to be a lot better than 14. 14 was kind of sucky, you know? There was Matt, and all of the times I felt like I wanted to die, and of course all that drama between all of us, which I hated. :( So 15 is better, I will make it better. It's going to be My Year. The year that the book goes places, the year that I have a great relationship, the year that I have a good school year. Things are going to happen to me. I'm going to be this optimistic. Because, well, I can. So take that, world.

I feel confident right now.

But I'm still really bored, you know? I mean, I just conversed with the Graham so that was fun, I love talking to him. And hugging him. And the kissing, well, that's improved...

We were just kind of sitting there on the ferris wheel. Wait, I've already lied. He had his arm around me, and I had my head on his chest. The ferris wheel, FINALLY, stops. We had already kissed once that evening, when his friends couldn't see us on the ferris wheel, but it was really quick, lips only. Kissing is still private for us, something that only we experience, and no one else really sees. It's something special that we share and look forward to, anticipating the few precious moments that we have to ourselves, to escape into the little world of lips connected.

I am so damn profound.

So finally, the ferris wheel stops. I sit up. We talk, about something I don't remember now. He's looking from my eyes to my lips. He leans toward me. I lean toward him. My eyes close. I'm not sure what to expect, since our first kiss was, you know, a face-eating spectacular. Of my face, anyway.

It's better. I know what to expect. We're not perfect, we're sloppy, but we just want to kiss each other. I laugh a little into the kiss. He laughs a little. He pulls me closer to him, I gladly go closer. The fair's sights and smells are all around us, mostly below us, but I'm not aware of them. It's just him, his arms, his lips, his smell. Everything is silent.

And sure, when we break apart, I have to wipe the spit off the side of my face. But it feels imperfectly flawless. I put my head on his chest again. I can feel his words before he says them, the hum of his vocal chords. "That was so much better than the first time."

"So much better," I breathe.

Then we're silent, soaking up the moment, reflecting as the whole world goes by below us and the ferris wheel starts back up, unaware of what we're thinking.

That's teenage love for you. Or, Teenage really like. It's only been 2 1/2 weeks. :)

But you know me.

- TWJerricaS