"Do you love me?" I asked him, leaning forward on my bed even though there was nothing to lean forward to. The phone was pressed up against my ear, slightly sweaty, as phones are if you hold them too close to your face for too long. I could hear the shufflings of my family downstairs, some coming upstairs. They couldn't hear this conversation, but I was dying to know.

"Why do you think I asked you out in the first place?" he asked me, sounding a little exasperated.

"So you love me?" I ask again.

"Yes, I love you!"

"It's only been three weeks!"

"Do you love me?"

My mind wrapped around the idea. Telling him I loved him. What good would it do? It had only been three weeks. I couldn't let him have me like that. Even the many a fantasy about saying "I love you" and the things we would do afterward wouldn't allow me. I could feel the words building up in my throat, my lips forming around them, tasting them. I'd never said it before.

But I wouldn't say it, for the first time, over the phone. What was wrong with me? It would have to be in person. After what, I don't know. But I would feel the moment. I wanted to be swept away in the moment, in his arms, not sitting on my bed a little after nine o'clock at night, hoping my parents won't walk in.

"No, Graham, it's too soon."

"So why did you go out with me?"

Because I love you, you idiot!!

"Because I like you. A lot."

"You don't love me?"

"I care about you so much Graham, don't do this to me."

Then his phone died.

~

Real episode. Real thing. Actual factual. All that.

He told me the next day that he didn't realize how much the word actually meant to me. That it meant more than just going out with someone. That those three words were special to me and I didn't toss them around like I didn't care.

Yeah.

So, incident avoided.

It's been going well, besides that little incident.

I went over to his dad's house last night. His parents are divorced, so, yeah. We watched "Snapped", you know, that show on Oxygen? And "Desperate Housewives". And some of the football game. But not really, if you know what I'm saying. You see, if you change the channel on his upstairs TV it changes it downstairs, which is where we were. So we were forced to watch football.

I didn't really know who was playing.

There was also an incident where he lead me up to his room to get "board games". Little did I know (or perhaps a lot did I know) he was going to try to kiss me. But then I ran away from him.

Which was later followed by a steamy (yet still sloppy, still very sloppy) make out on a chair in his living room. He tried to stick his tongue in my mouth.

He always does.

Which is a little scary, but still hot.

I wrote The Poem.

It'll never be a song or anything, but still. It makes me happy. I wrote it after school today, and it sounds very good to me so that's excellent.

I didn't want to use the word "you", because like, I don't know, my songs always come out cheesy when I do that, so I kept it as "A boy and a girl" and that seemed to work well for me. I don't know. I think it's good. But I'll share it later maybe, when he's seen it. I don't know what to call it, but it's about how we fell in love in the fall but we'll make it through the winter and everything.

We were talking about what to name our kids.

I know it sounds kind of sketchy, but it's really kind of just half-joking around. We wanted to be in an eHarmony commercial so we were going to make eHarmony accounts and pretend to find each other on it. And then we wanted to go on those ancestry sites where you make your family tree on it and make our children and our grandchildren.

Make our children. Hardy har har.

We were talking about names, and he wanted to name our "son" Graham. I was like, "No!!" And he said, "Why? Did you want to name it Jerry?" No, I do not. I don't want to name our kids after ourselves. I think it would be cool to name one of our kids Autumn, since we started dating two days after fall began, September 23rd. And of course I love the name Sage.

I know it seems kind of weird to be thinking about that stuff, but we jokingly talk about it a lot.

Glee moment:

Graham: "You know what we should do?"
Jerrica: "Elope?"

:)

He set himself up for that one.

Glee is like, my new favorite show. It rocks. Rachel is awesome, and I want to kill Quinn and Shu's wife so, you know. Pregnant deception! I mean really. And Kurt, the gay kid! Ahhh I love him.

So life has been pretty good, la la la.

Okay I need to tell you something!!!

I made the mix CD cover for Graham. And since I have no artistic skills whatsoever, I decided to make him a collage.

Of semi-inappropriate phrases.

That I found in magazines.

It's pretty sick. I have one from an Astroglide ad, that says "Make love even better" and one that says "relieve knee pain", and all this other stuff! It's wicked awesome. I just need to make the CD itself and I already have the track listing, so that's good. I just need to, you know, burn it. BURN IT! Into a CD.

Anyway, I'm going to go, so I'll write later perhaps!!!!!!!!!!!






- TWJerricaS

Does the S stand for something else?



No.

Oh yeah and I decided not to do NaNoWriMo. Got too much on my plate already. I don't think I could write a novel right now. Oh well.